Playing with Archibald Lampman (II)

I took Love-Doubt of Lampman and I asked myself I wonder if I could rearrange this and keep it a sonnet? and set the challenge to use only the words he used in his, and to change the end rhymes.

I printed it out in larger letters and made it a cut up. A verbal jigsaw puzzle to make a 2nd picture without missing a piece.

I’ll call it Doubt-Love

I’ll transcribe with proper punctuation and capitals when I’m next online and I’ll probably replace the picture since the “I” in the start of line 2 seems to have blown away or got stuck under another piece.

Doubt-Love

Our two sound souls, for love, listening, heard.
I knit with tongue upon that mouth and seek
eyes, word-merry, of the light, but not child-meek.
She retained some yearning shadow, a bird
and it rose, sad and pale in May that curves
as a song. Oh, the mute flower red of cheek,
the her, of ever sunny, the sweet
maker of dreams. Swift light of her eyes stirred.

I tell her about the weighed never should,
sit long with loudest of proud song echoing
throng and gloom. The burdens flit and not faint. I would
speak through wild lily, to laughter, blithe. Knowing
rose. All was innocent-lipped, but if One could,
some might, My Love, and with all watching.

–
That was diverting in an absorbing sort of way. Having done it, I appreciate better how his was remarkably concrete with simple words for all its romantic allusions.

Even with complete rearrangement odd how I still ended up with something of a tragic situation playing out in the lines.

I may keep fiddling to smooth it out, move it around, see what better ways there are.